What’s in a name?

I always assumed that if ever I managed to get something published it would be in my own name, but now I can’t think of anything worse. I’ve had a couple of piece flash fiction published in ‘my’ name but I don’t expect anyone I know to ever read them.

In a perfect world, my books would be filling up the shelves at Waterstones and on Amazon, my name would be in big striking letters all over the front cover… but in this sad reality, I don’t want my friends or family to know what I’ve written.

I’m not embarrassed or ashamed of what I have written or what I want to write but I also don’t want to be judged by people, that I believe don’t understand what really makes me tick. My stories are personal and I feel vulnerable committing them to paper but I want people to read and enjoy them. I want judgement/criticism from readers not people that know a small side of me.

My family have never took any interest in my hopes/dreams/goals and have always trivialize those things that are important to me. My friends take much more interested but I still wouldn’t want them to know either. If they knew, I’d feel restricted and feel like I had to write a certain way or censor my thoughts.Is it normal to feel this way?

When my book is complete I’ll most probably use a pseudonym but I’m interested in other’s opinions, feel free to vote.